All I want is to be Happy

I wish it didn't take every bone in my body and every ounce of energy I obtain to pretend to be happy. It's exhausting to go out and dissimulate being okay or that i'm having fun, when on the inside I am extremely unhappy. Some may call depressed. But that's more of a doctor term in my opinion. Aside from putting on makeup everyday, I also force myself to put on a smile. A smile to conceal my feelings, thoughts and fears. A smile to present to my co-workers, friends and family that i'm fine and have everything together. This is what I do on a daily basis, but that's not reality. In actuality I cry my eyes out the second I get home until I start to hyperventilate. Then I drink some water and receive a headache ten minutes later. This is where the Excedrin comes into place. I distance myself from my friends because I'm too scared. Afraid of what? I wish I knew. I wish I could stop being this unhappy. I wish I could flip an on switch in my brain to make me bubbly again, to let me have fun when I go out on weekends with my friends. Everyone in the world wants wealth of some sort. All I want is to be happy......